what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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