i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
