you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize