Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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