I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
