I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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