i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Randomize
