I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
