Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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