never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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