Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
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