threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
