I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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