I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
