i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize