I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
