so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
