we should wear snuggies to the strip club
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
