i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
