Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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