dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
