I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
i think i just lost a toe
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
