after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
