At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
