I bet he comes in French.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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