have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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