Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
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drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
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Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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