I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
