I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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