Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
