everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
