ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
