I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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