I faked an abortion last night.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
