apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
People in love make me want to vomit
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
