Nicole vs. Life
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
