My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
