Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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