If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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