I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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