it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
