i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
