matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
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So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
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New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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