im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
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