Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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