I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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