They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
