her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
