oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
