He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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