i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
