He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
