Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
