The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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