when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
