I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
