She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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