At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
