Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
