Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
