my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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