we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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