if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
