You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
