I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
