Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
