how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
