hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
