dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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