i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize