Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
