he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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