My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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