Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize