Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
