ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
