Whod you bang
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
