Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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