I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
