i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
