Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
