Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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