Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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