Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
