i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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