my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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