This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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